Over the past year, I’ve done a lot of work on understanding my deeper self. (stick with me...) The self that's not visible to others and has no labels. It is not defined by my history or future. It is me. Being present. I've learned this is extremely difficult. The effort in letting go brought about nasty + self-sabotaging mindsets. And, I felt lost because I had allowed the “things” and experiences in my life to define who I am today - however, the things are not my essence.
I’ve learned that I was so chummy with my ego that it held me back from growth and momentum. Ego and I were BFF’s and she's a Bad-B! She kicks me down when I'm up. She tells me I can’t do it even though I can, she told me I’m 40 (41 this month! : ) so I can’t possibly become a mother or have pretty skin anymore, and I certainly can’t grow a successful business because of money fears + lack.
Bad-B ego tells me to eat this not that, copy what they do it'll look better, and push harder (and harder).....
- lame. exhausting. and not to mention extremely unproductive -
What I’ve tried to do - not without struggle, is recognize my ego and drop it like it’s hot. Ego will always be present in all of us - sometimes... it provides a source of great motivation, and hopefully, it's carried out with grace + awareness. But often the ego is very heavy. A hard weight we carry. A concrete-like troll that creeps in and takes you away from the beautiful present moment available to all of us.
My theme for the year ahead is detachment. This may sound cold. It’s not. It actually provides space for peace + becoming. Detachment from my stories, impulsive thoughts + behaviors, detachment from my history, and providing space to step into my destiny.
If you’d like to understand the topic of presence and the ego I highly recommend the book A New Earth by Echart Tolle. I read it slowly over the past year with a highlighter nearby for the areas that resonated with me or confused me. A New Earth made me aware of my ego and how deeply I’ve allowed it to control my outlook + and suppress the gifts of my essence. It taught me that a New Earth lives in all of us, we simply need to be present to feel it…and live it.